Children’s reactions

Children’s reactions

When a family member is diagnosed with PD, family relationships and how they relate to one another change. Generally one can say that how parents relate to the fact that PD has become a part of their family can influence the way a child, teenager or grown-up reacts. If a child or teenager can see that the parents are managing this change successfully in their life, they can relax.

Children’s reactions when a family member becomes ill vary depending on their age. Younger children adapt more readily. They ask if the illness can cause death and are satisfied when they are told no and can carry on with their childhood games. Their main concern is that their parents will be there; they are open and curious and will ask quite naturally ‘why do you tremble?’

Teenagers react differently; they can express anger to both parents and towards the disease. Behind this anger is sorrow and a deep felt wish for the parent to be well again and as a result they can try to help too much, especially girls. They can become self-conscious and react with embarrassment, especially with their friends, until they see that their friends accept the change in their parents.

The reaction of grown-up sons and daughters who have left home are again different. They can experience anger and develop a ‘pull yourself together’ attitude, not realising that before their visit home, the ill parent will have rested so as to enjoy their visit with their children, resulting in an unrealistic view of the impact that PD is having. Such a reaction can prove to have a positive effect as shown by the following case story.

Case story

‘Mrs S, who has PD, was asked by her elder daughter to look after her young child, as she was unable to find a place in a kindergarten. Mrs S protested that she could not do this, but her daughter insisted and Mrs S later commented that her daughter’s confidence in her, despite the fact that she had PD, helped her to find courage and develop a lust for life that she had lost since being diagnosed with PD. With a smile, she concluded that her daughter was now pregnant for the third time, but Mrs S had said that she did not need to have more children just to help her mother!’

Many of the children’s worries and anxieties about their ill parent can be relieved if the parents provide good information about PD and communicate openly with their children about their worries and concerns.